Again, the Daily Mail have taken exception, no doubt because of their anti-BBC agenda. And they are the last people to talk about inappropriate statements about prostitutes. As for what happened to good clean humour, I take it this means the Daily Mail have an anti-Billy Connelly position?
Here’s the prank calls that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand did to Andrew Sachs.
I’ve listened to them, why the hell are they being reprimanded? What the fudge did the BBC expect from these two, articles on embroidery? They wanted to be trendy and get some controversial characters, now they’ve been controversial they don’t want them!
For all the 18,000 WANKERS that complained, go get a life you sorry sorry, lifeless, friendless, anally retentive, scout-leading, gary glitter loving wastes of oxygen … or in short, BBC2 LISTENERS!
People are being torured in Tibet, the global economy is fucked, troops are still dying in an illegal war in Iraq, yet 18,000 people took time to complain about this? How man of those 18,000 have complained about any of these real issues? you sorry sorry bastards, get a fucking life and some fucking persective LOL
http://www.express.co.uk/youtube/U7IHJ66wj9g
and if you’re on Facebook there’s a group to join …
Sorry it’s been a bit quiet on here, I’ve been away in France for their annual strawberry crushing contest.
I nearly won aswell, but some woman with no legs came first … jammy cunt
I don’t know what Herb was thinking but he gave me an account here so I’m just going to use it to winge and complain about things, insult people who need insulting, rant about what I’d do if I were dictator, etc, that sort of thing. Anything I post about Formula 1 will be along the lines of “this clearly isn’t a sport, it’s bollocks, I don’t know why I watch it, MotoGP would be far more interesting but I can’t get into it and I can’t stop watching F1.”
Anyway, in light of recent events for me, I’d like to know how the treasury justify charging VAT on an item you’re only buying because the original was stolen. I don’t care how much such a tax break would cost because it’s not a tax break, morally the treasury shouldn’t tax someone twice in the first place. That they are raising revenue as a result of criminal behaviour makes them a beneficiary of crime. I’m never normally one to complain about taxes but I think this one really takes the piss.
There is not even any argument that crime benefits the economy, so the VAT the 2nd time round is certainly not a tax on genuine created wealth. It’s the broken window fallacy, but worse. Not only are you deprived of using your money for other things (like saving it), the state will charge you steal 17.5% for the privilege.
Presumably this would have a knock-on effect for insurance. If the item you’re insurance has a 17.5% cheaper replacement cost, then premiums would be less. And while I’m complaining about insurance, why isn’t theft and any kind of criminal damage on the list of exemptions for insurance premium tax? (And is there VAT on insurance premiums too?)
To quote Catherine Tate, what a load of shit.
I’ve had my membership card for years and years (maybe 10), now all of a sudden I find Shell have been redeeming the points I’ve collected without my saying so, and have decided that for all the points i have collected, to send me some worthless fuel vouchers and other shit that I don’t want.
I have emailed them 3 times, but every reply I get they seem to evade the issue, and of course their helpline is an 0845 number so it costs a fortune to ring them. But i tried it anyway, and it rang with a foreign ringtone, and I held for 2 minutes and a recorded message in very broken english tells me to call back in an hour as they’re having problems (yet another shitty call centre in Asia? I think so).
So from now on, I will buy fuel from Tesco’s as Shell seem to be at best, run by a bunch of barely-english-speaking retards. the emails are below:
To Whom it may concern
I have had point “redeemed” from my account showing on my May statement (1100 points) and August (519 points) which is annoying as I have NEVER redeemed them. I have never asked for them to be redeemed, nor received anything from them being redeemed.
Please explain why this has happened and credit my account back with this points.
Their reply …
Dear Member,
Thank you for your correspondence regarding the Shell Drivers’ Club.
We would like to confirm that Shell Drivers’ Club redemption’s are automatic. Providing you have the minimum number of points required for your chosen redemption we automatically redeem your points for your reward choice at the end of the quarter.
If you have any further queries please visit our website at shell drivers club or email driversclub@shell.co.uk . Alternatively, Shell Drivers’ Club Customer Services are available on the telephone number, 08459 006 008.
Yours sincerely
Customer Service Department
Shell Drivers’ Club
Did they even read my email, or is that just an automated response?
So I wrote back …
I have not asked for this, nor have I chosen any gifts, so please can you re-credit my points.
And they replied:
Dear Mr xxxxxx,
Thank you for your correspondence regarding the Shell Drivers’ Club.
We will be pleased to investigate this issue for you. Please advise us of your date of birth and your postcode (required for security purposes), so we may proceed.
So I gave them my DOB and postcode, and got this back:
Dear Mr xxxxxxx
Thank you for your correspondence regarding the Shell Drivers’ Club.
We would like to inform you that under the terms and conditions of the Shell Drivers’ Club scheme points are automatically redeemed every quarter against the reward type selected by the end of the previous quarter.
Therefore, we regret to inform you that we are not able to re-credit your points for these previous redemptions.
If you have any further queries please visit our website at shell drivers club or email driversclub@shell.co.uk . Alternatively, Shell Drivers’ Club Customer Services are available on the telephone number, 08459 006 008.
So now back to not actually reading emails or avoiding the issues? The point is, I collected a lot of points with shell, about 45,000 at one point a couple of years ago, and now, without any authorisation from me, are taking these points away!
So my advice is don’t use shell, their “reward” card is a complete con!
A priest books ito a hotel and says to the receptionist
“I hope the pornography channel is disabled!”
The receprionist looks astonished and says “it’s normal porn you sick bastard”
A lawyer goes to a nursing home to visit an elderly client.
He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one.
As they talk, he can’t help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they have finished talking, the bowl is empty.
The lawyer says, “I’m so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all your peanuts.”
“That’s okay,” says the elderly client. “They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl…………. “
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:
“Darling, would you give me a blowjob?”
Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”
Him: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”
Her: “No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”
Him: “Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”
Her: “No way. It’s just too risky!”
Him (horny as hell): “Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?”
Her: “No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”
Him: “Oh yes you can. Please?”
Her: “No, no. I just can’t” Him: “I beg you … ”
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:
“Mum says to go ahead and give him a blowjob, otherwise I can do it. If need be, she can come down herself and do it, but either way tell him to take his fuckin’ hand off the intercom!!”
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the
man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what the hell do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”